In my last post, I introduced you to the “Self-Image Triad”, Found Here.
I shared how our Self-Image is dependent on three contributors; Self-Esteem, Self-Respect and Self-Confidence, and how we are hardwired to work towards maintaining a positive Self-Image.
Before we get in to the particulars about what each temperament type needs in terms of Self-Esteem, for example, I wanted to make a point about relationships.
Each leg of the Self-Image stool has a corresponding relationship that it is dependent on for fuel. Self-Esteem, Self-Respect and Self-Confidence each draw from one of three relationships in order to satisfy and strengthen a positive Self-Image. This may challenge some conventional thinking on subjects like self-esteem, and how we define them, but bear with me through this.
SELF-ESTEEM
Self-Esteem, the first leg of our self-image triad, is feedback dependent on our Relationship To Others.
Self-Esteem requires feedback from other people. A large part of how we arrive at our worth and worthwhileness is based upon our perception of others recognizing things in us and providing appropriate feedback. As we will see when we get into specific types, is that this is universally true for all of us, but the type of feedback we get from others is temperament specific. What works for an Abstract Utilitarian will fall flat with a Concrete Cooperator (If you’re new here, read this for an explanation on types)
SELF-RESPECT
Our Self-Respect comes from our Relationship to God.
Like it or not, all of us have a higher power. It can be God, Spiritualism, Karma, or even the State. For all of us, there is something or someone who is keeping score and is strong enough to execute judgement. I have never met anyone who did not appeal to some higher authority, even if that authority is simply a rationally arrived at sense of atheistic morality. We all have it.
Consequently, our sense of Self-Respect comes from how well we are living according to whatever the rules of that higher power happen to be. Again, this will look a little different depending on which type you are, but we all share a need for this congruency and approval in order to maintain a positive Self-Respect.
SELF-CONFIDENCE
Finally, Self-Confidence is about our Relationship to Self.
This is your assessment of how you’re doing, what you’re capable of, or the assumption of what others must be thinking about you. This has to do with that unspoken, barely conscious part of you always making assessments about your performance or capabilities. This isn’t always something we can will into a better frame, because of how frequently we are unaware of its happening, only its consequences.
Basically, Self-Esteem, Self-Respect and Self-Confidence do not exist as independent variables, any more than each leg of a stool do; they contribute to a common whole. They can not, therefore, be attained or ignored without impacting each other. Understanding the nature of each of these components, and the relationships from which they are derived, is going to help streamline our process and make us way more effective at cultivating a positive Self-Image overall.
Next we will look at each type more specifically, in what they seek from Others, God and Self.