Now that we understand the Self-Image triad and the consequences to each leg of that stool when those needs are not met, its time to get in to the specific needs of each of the four types.
So, while the model is universal to all types, where one type derives Self-esteem, for example, will be different from another.
If you need to refresh on the different types, you can click Here
I still have not named these types yet, so for now we are sticking with the simple numbers.
TYPE #1
THE CONCRETE COOPERATOR
Self-Esteem
For Type #1, Self-Esteem is derived from their ability to take care of others in their lives, and to have those others be appreciative and grateful. Remember, Self-Esteem is a principle that is dependent on feedback from others, so type #1 needs someone to provide for to feel like they’re doing a good job, and to provide them with a sense of self-esteem. This can be monetarily, or it can be with other resources. Conversely, the lack of resources or of an ability to provide for others, gives type #1 a strong sense of depression and self-loathing.
In my counseling practice, when I am speaking with a Concrete Cooperator type who is experiencing depression, it almost always comes back to this very thing. That they do not feel like adequate contributors or like they have an ability to provide their friends and loved ones with the things they need.
Interestingly, and as a side note, many of the hoarders that I have encountered are Concrete Cooperators, and while their hoarding appears to be kind of chaotic and silly, if you listen to their rationale they will often say things like “I was saving those things for my daughter” or “I was collecting that in case someone needs them”. A lot of the time people who find themselves in these situations have experienced some sort of loss. They no longer have people whom they can rely on, or who can rely on them, and hoarding becomes a way to protect oneself *against* depression. In that sense, its a proactive approach (though maladaptive) to alleviating depressive symptoms.
Self-Respect
Type #1’s Self-Respect is primarily derived from their sense of duty and responsibility. That duty can include loyalty to God, to a Corporation, to Family, to anything really, but the Self-Respect leg of this self-image stool has to do with our relationship to our higher authority.
Type #1s are keenly aware of the authority structures that exist around them, pretty much 100% of the time, and will respect that structure, and expect everyone else to do the same. Their understanding of their place in that structure, and their execution of their duties there, give them that sense of self-respect that they need.
Conversely, shame and guilt creep in when they’re flaky, or unreliable. When they’ve dropped the ball, performed badly, or are not measuring up to what is expected, they tend to spiral into a guilt cycle (as we all do when our self-respect is shaken) and will likely withdraw themselves from that structure all together, rather than face the embarrassment of having let anyone down.
Self-Confidence
Finally, type #1’s Self-Confidence comes from their reputation and standing in a community, or within an organization or structure. This is primarily about reputation and status that they believe they enjoy.
Self-Confidence generally is about our relationship with “self” and the story we are able to tell ourselves about who we are, where we stand, what we are capable of and how well we function.
For the Concrete Cooperator, their confidence is greatest when they are walking in to a situation where they have some assurances that they are respected, admired, or where they enjoy some authority, whether that’s explicit or implied. Every Concrete Cooperator aspires for leadership and authority, and when they sense they have it in some measure or another, they enjoy some self-confidence.
With anxiety being the inverse of self-confidence, the Concrete Cooperator is most likely to experience this when their reputation is attacked or otherwise impugned. Having a wayward child, for example, is a huge blow to the self-confidence. Not because of how it reflects on their abilities to raise a solid child (which is more the case for type #4) but because of what it does to the authority of type #1 in the eyes of others.
Rumors, gossip, embarrassing family secrets being posted all over Facebook. These are all things that the Concrete Cooperator will assume threatens their reputation and will have a difficult time abiding.
Now, these are not the only examples of how the self-image of a Concrete Cooperator may be damaged, but the root of what is being threatened is going to be pretty universal, regardless of the shape it takes.
Self-esteem (relationship with others) is in their ability to provide for friends and loved ones
Self-respect (relationship to God/Higher powers) is in their fulfilment of what they believe to be their duties and responsibilities
Self-confidence (relationship to self) in in their reputation and standing in organizations, structures and among their peers.
If you have a Concrete Cooperator experiencing strong symptoms of depression, shame or anxiety, these are a really good place to look and start making adjustments.
Stay tuned for the other types!